7 Tips to Improve Teenage Relationships with Parents

“Late again! I asked you to come home early!”, “Are you seriously wearing that? What a disaster!”, “It's a shame, other kids are well-behaved but not you... ”

Sound familiar? These might be phrases you frequently exchange with your child. Or perhaps echoes from your own teenage years when you heard similar phrases from your parents. The challenges of teenage relationships with parents aren't new. Almost all parents will admit to facing difficulties with their teenagers. While waiting it out is an option, restoring harmony and tranquility to your family is achievable now. Discover how to improve parent teenager relationships through our article.

Teens relationship with parents: causes of negative behavior

During conflicts, adolescents tend to perceive their parents' reactions as more intense and negative than they truly are. Simultaneously, parents believe they are more understanding and caring than they're perceived. This lack of understanding stems from deeper issues. Let's delve into the subject of teenagers' relationships with their parents.

Reasons behind negative teenage behavior:

• Around ages 11-12, hormonal changes wreak havoc on a child's body. Teens grapple with potent emotions they can't yet control. Parents struggle to respond to the frequent mood swings.

• Seeking independence and their place in the world, teens often defy the restrictions set by parents.

• Adolescents, seeking self-identity, wrestle with a paradox of feeling "different" while craving peer understanding and recognition.

• Critical thinking flourishes at this age. With youthful idealism, teens may question parental advice and opinions.

• A lack of life experience hampers effective conflict resolution. In response, teens might rebel and show aggression.

Parenting pitfalls in teenage relationships with parents:

1. Parents often resist acknowledging that their child has become an individual with their own opinions, sometimes vastly different from their own.

2. Trust wasn't nurtured during earlier years or was lost along the way, undermining the parent-teen bond.

3. Inconsistencies and unkept promises undermine parents' authority in their teen's eyes.

4. While asking teens to be open, parents might not be prepared for the frankness they receive.

5. Parents sometimes overlook strategies for building relationships with teenagers.

Also: 5 Life Skills for Teenagers

How to improve parent teenager relationship: 7 practical tips

Consider this: How often do you express your love to your child compared to criticizing, advising, or giving your opinion? Even well-intentioned parents offer twice as many negative remarks as positive ones. However, you can change this dynamic. Your goal is to establish an environment of love, trust, and understanding at home. Make certain your teenager knows they have unwavering family support. Here are seven straightforward steps on how to improve parent teenager relationships.

1. Love knows no bounds

You're certain you love your child. Does your son or daughter share this certainty? Or do they think your love was confined to their childhood? Declare your love daily! Let your affection be constant and unconditional. Your love endures even when you disagree with their opinions or behavior. Ensure your teenager knows, "Even if mom is upset, she still loves me." Initially, your child might feel awkward or unresponsive to your expressions of love. Persevere. Try daily affirmations for a week, and observe the transformation in your relationship.

2. Effective praise

Avoid statements like: "You did well, but try harder next time." Such praise might breed perfectionism or discourage effort altogether. Effective praise is:

• Genuine. Avoid flattery; teens can discern insincerity. If you can't praise the outcome, acknowledge the effort. For example: "You didn't win today, but your performance was impressive!"

• Specific. Compare "You were good today" with "Thanks for helping with lunch by going to the store." Specific praise reinforces a teenager's sense of value. Praising them in the presence of family members can be even more impactful.

This strategy strengthens relationships between teens and parents.

3. Affectionate gestures

While it's easy to hold and hug a child in their younger years, teens also crave tactile contact. As they mature, expressiveness might wane, but it's vital to maintain these gestures. Teens require tactile connection, much like toddlers. In its absence, they may seek it elsewhere. Start small — pat their head, ruffle their hair, give a reassuring hug, or a gentle shoulder pat. Associate these gestures with positive events: a contest win, a successful performance, or a high exam grade. Similarly, when a teen is upset or downcast, your touch can offer solace.

Yet, be sensitive to their readiness for physical contact. Avoid hugging an angry teen; wait until emotions subside. Likewise, respect their privacy when they're in the company of peers. Don't impose affection in such situations.

4. The art of listening

When your teen opens up about something serious, seize the opportunity:

• Provide your full attention. Put aside tasks, social media, and distractions. Direct eye contact shows genuine engagement.

• Avoid interrupting. Let them finish before you express your thoughts or share your experiences.

• Pay attention to nonverbal cues. Often, teens' body language or facial expressions convey more than words can.

5. Thoughtful responses

Want your teen to confide in you? Opt for calm responses rather than yelling, criticizing, rolling your eyes, or downplaying their concerns. Respond thoughtfully to any information:

• Pose clarifying questions: "So, you're saying that...", "Do you mean...". Such questions help you grasp your teen's true thoughts and feelings.

• Show understanding. This underscores that you're on their side and value their perspective.

• Seek permission to offer your perspective. This approach demonstrates respect for their individuality and fosters trust and meaningful conversation.

This tactic fosters improved communication in relationships between teens and parents.

6. Quality time together

Yet, not just time in front of the TV. Your aim is to create an environment for genuine communication. In this setting, sharing experiences, emotions, and desires becomes easier. Consider your teen's interests and pick activities they'd enjoy doing with you. Attend their favorite band's concert, join them in a sports event, or embark on a fishing or hiking trip.

Remember, planning a family vacation or spending quality time with your teenager is important. Don't spring last-minute visits on them, as they might already have their own plans.

7. Family traditions

Are there any other ways to improve parent teenager relationships? Establish regular conversations lasting at least 15 minutes before bedtime. Foster eye contact, eliminate distractions (TV, gadgets, chores), and simply talk:

1. Initiate discussions on various topics.

2. Share your day's experiences.

3. Seek their opinions on various matters.

4. Understand their life beyond academics.

Continue these morning conversations. If your teen is receptive to showing affection, wish them good morning and a kiss. In case they're not as open, simply accompany them to school, wish them well, and close the door behind them if you're leaving earlier. Ensure your child knows that you're always there, fostering a strong bond.

Also: Why Does Aggressive Child Behavior Occur, and How Do You Deal with It

What not to do in parents relationship with teenagers

Don't fall for the misconception that these strategies are foolproof. To avoid irreparable damage to relationships between teenagers and parents, follow these essential guidelines:

1. Avoid physical punishment. Not only is it demeaning, but your growing teen will learn this behavior model, and soon, they'll be stronger than you.

2. Don't impose restrictions without reason or wield authority. The statement "Because I said so" no longer holds weight; teens question every action.

3. Refrain from intimidation, which will only lead to secrecy and lies.

4. Don't make comparisons. Even if it seems your friend's child is more accomplished or serious. Would you appreciate being compared to your friends?

5. Don't discuss misbehavior or academic performance with outsiders. This won't solve problems, but might erode your teen's trust.

6. Respect your teen's achievements and hobbies. Encourage their interests; your role is to support, not control.

7. Don't jump to suspicion or interrogation. This could lead to defensive behavior. Instead, show genuine interest and offer help when needed.

8. Refrain from critiquing appearance, clothing, friends, or preferences. Otherwise, they may rebel out of spite. Offer guidance rather than judgment.

Lastly, if you've made a mistake — acted impatiently, been insincere, or unjust—don't wait for your teen to take the first step. Apologize sincerely. Remember, you're the adult in this relationship. May you find yourself asking fewer questions about improving relations with your teenage son or daughter.