Dealing With The Fallout After a Teen’s Social Media Mistake

Today’s teens are confronted with social media on a daily basis. Even if they don’t have direct access to it themselves, it is often the topic at the lunch table, in the locker room and on the music stage. It has become a part of their reality whether we, as parents, like it or not.  So what do we do if they make a mistake on social media and become the center of the rumor mill?

Mistakes Are a Right of Passage As a Teen

As our teenagers’ brains and maturity levels develop, they are bound to make some unwise choices. A common refrain we hear throughout parenthood is that children are a reflection of their parents. It holds truth, to a point. The lessons we teach our children, and how we raise them, affects who they become. This doesn’t mean, however, we’ve failed when they make a mistake. The lesson of integrity lies in how the mistake is handled.

So, as embarrassing as it might be for you and your teen, try to give them some grace remembering that you probably made similar mistakes when you were younger. They just weren’t broadcast across social media.

The Big Discovery

In an ideal world, your teen will be the way you learn about the mistake. If this happens, great. Thank them for their honesty and for telling you. Validate their feelings of embarrassment and shame. Share a story of your own with them. We all have them! This helps teens to see the big picture - that what they are facing in the moment is repairable.

If you learn about the mistake from another source, wait until you have the opportunity to speak privately with your teen. Begin by sharing with them the information you heard. Allow them to tell their side of the story. If they become defensive, as they may, remain as calm as possible. Remind them that you are asking, not accusing them.

Practice active listening, as difficult as it may be. It’s completely normal to want to jump in and reprimand them. Stay calm, guide them and keep the doors of communication open. They will definitely need to repair the mistake and there may be other consequences that you deem necessary, but remaining calm will result in the best possible outcome.

Steps to take to repair the mistake

1.  Own it - It is essential to teach your teen that they must assume responsibility for their actions. The first step is owning up to it with you, as the parent. Mistakes are a part of life. If we learn from them they are also a teaching tool. This may be the most important part of the lesson. A sign of emotional maturity and intelligence is admitting when one is wrong.

2. Apologize, if warranted - Discuss the nature of the mistake and make the appropriate apology necessary. If the mistake is of offensive nature to another person, encourage your teen to contact the other party/ies and make an offline apology. This is also a great time to discuss how important it is to practice preventative measures. Stress the importance of dealing with disagreements one on one, offline. It is much easier to say or do regretful things when one is behind a screen. Impress this upon your teen.

3. Discuss future social media use - Have a conversation with your teen about how this situation could have been handled better. Review what they may do if they are triggered by someone else.

4. Discuss the permanency of social media - Regardless of what the nature of the mistake was, the permanency of the internet must be addressed. Whether the judgment error was with words or photos, a mistake does not disappear fully with an apology. Digital footprints must be considered carefully and not be taken lightly. In a world where things can be “deleted” easily, sometimes teens believe that once they no longer see it on their screen, it is gone.

5. Reassure your teen - Teens need more reassurance than we sometimes realize. Their prickly nature can be very off putting. It is vital for us to reassure our teens that despite their mistakes, despite the embarrassment they may have caused us, we still love them. In the end a mistake is a mistake. We are not disowning our children because of something they do.

6. Decide on necessary consequences - While we want to reassure our teens of our love and support, there also must be boundaries. As parents, we can calmly convey what those boundaries are with consequences. Suspending use of a device, making it known you will be monitoring the phone or device on a daily basis or doling out other consequences we see fit, is the job of the parent. We can have an open door of communication and boundaries at the same time.

Remind your teen that you are in this together. No matter what mistakes they make, you are here to help guide them. That may include consequences that they don’t like, but together you can get through the fall out of any mistake.

As a parent, remember you are not alone. We are all out here trying to navigate this scary world of social media with our kids.