Teen Boy: Tips For Parents How To Connect With Your Son

Teen boy – what are the reasons of сommunication difficulties with a teenager? Teenage years are beautiful and dangerous at the same time. They are literally the second birth, when a teen who was a child yesterday turns into an adult. The transformation process is individual- for some it starts earlier, for some later. For some teens the process is painful and problematic, for others it is almost insensible. It's youngness.

Still, there are common stages of the external and internal transition to work through from a boy to a young man.. Take them into consideration, as well as tips how parents can help their teenage boys go through this difficult path.

What is about parenting a teenage boy and how to connect with your teenage son?

Teen boy: the brain and body image changes

How are preteens boys changing? Adolescent behavior is crucially determined by the hormonal and physical transformation during puberty. It starts when a teen is 9 or10 years old. Minor changes can be seen from the very start. Physically mature guys are at the age of 15-16 years. They become taller, bigger, with a deep voice and developed muscles.

External metamorphoses of teenage boys are described by F. Dolto in his book “On the side of teenagers”:

“The legs become thick, clumsy, making them look like malformed foals. Everything in them is disproportionate. The face seems to swell, the nose becomes flattened and snub-nosed, the nostrils widen, the facial features coarsen, as if cut down with an ax.”

Teen boys are basically less obsessive over their appearance changes than girls. They watch with interest as their bodies transform to the ones of adult men. Some people are happy about it, others are scared a bit. What else is special about the age of adolescence?

Emotional and behavioral changes teenage boy

Puberty is full of new emotions and feelings. Earlier, even as a child, it was not clear how it is to be dissatisfied with one's appearance, later in adolescence, such thoughts deeply affect a teenager. From the age of 12-13an interest in the opposite sex and romantic relationaship arise. Vulnerability, anxiety, need for isolation appear. Although a teen boy may not make evident the whole feelings range that overwhelmed him so abruptly and strong

The brain continues to develop, especially the areas responsible for judgment and decision making (frontal cortex). This process will continue for approximately 20 years. Thereafter a teen son in adolescence is more impulsive and emotional than in the future when he reaches puberty.

Teen boys intentions and actions

Which other differences belong to this generation ? Teenage boys seem to have apathetic attitude to the environment, they are often dismissive of clothes and food offered by their mother. The are apathetic about hobbies and entertainment they are offered. The reason is the fear of failure, mistakes and nonconformity with the stereotypes and ideals.

The boy thinks that if he can't do something too easily, this means that he's not good or smart enough. He does his best to be perfect,thus he only does what he is good at.

This boys’ behavior pattern in adolescence was described in "He's not lazy", a book written by Adam Price, New York psychologist.

According to the author, teenagers are not lazy, they are just scared of failure. The underlying problem is the parental overprotection. They simplify the life of the child that does not give him the opportunity to learn how to cope with difficulties.

How to talk to your teenage son about relationships

Girls are known to mature faster than teen boys. Their brain develops more actively, thus their judgments and thoughts are more mature. This only increases the difference between the sexes in puberty. How to talk to your teenage son about relationships? The guys need some time to grow up to their peers morally and emotionally. And this сauses a certain neglective attitude from girls.

Attractive appearance matters a lot in relations with the opposite sex. And here again growth difference between the sexes comes out first. Sometimes they become the source of tense emotions.

Girls are bigger and taller than boys in the period from 11 to 13-14 years old. This confuses the guys, gives them a sense of their own inferiority. The situation is escalated by feeling awkward due to excessive weight or being too thin, having imperfect skin..

Poor self-esteem caused by physical imperfection leads to hesitation and affects communication. As soon as a teen boy gets interested in a girl, he tends to repress his feelings, is afraid of them and underestimates himself.

The opposite sex

When the first love happens, a teenager is actively mastering his new body, which has developed beyond recognition. He also grows inside – his brain, heart, nervous system are being transformed. A new unknown energy appears that needs to be released.

Suppressing his desires and needs, the guy experiences an internal conflict. He is excessively sensitive with his emotions aggravated..

It causes the high demand for positive emotions. And if he does not get enough positive emotions in the family, then he subconsciously seeks for emotions in relationships with the opposite sex.

Spiritual mutual sympathy is the feeling that affects the whole future life of a young man. Without love, he is devastated. If you do not allow your teen age boy to communicate with the one he likes, this will end in mental trauma.

Friendship

Although children sometimes demonstrate teenage aggression, they want to make friends. By the age of 14-15, guys need a close friend. Trust relationship, sincerity, rapport become important conditions for such relations. If he was quite satisfied with communication with a company of boys before, now close friendship with one person comes to the first place Every year the soul relationship becomes more and more important. Friends found at this period of life remain for a long time.

Friendship is based on sharing interests with peers. It can be a classmate or a friend from a sports school. Friendship can develop while communicating in one company, but always 1 or 2 people out of the company are more important for a guy than the rest. It is important that there are no people with a negative impact on a teen boy in his environment.&

How to connect with your teenage son

All parents have questions to ask a teenage guy. What is the relationship of a teenage son with his parents? Everyone's role is important here. Let's talk about the role of the father and mother in parenting a teenage boy.

Сommunication with father

The father is the empowered parent and the major role model for the son. He brings his teen son to the world of social relations, demonstrates to him how to self-realize, strengthen his body and spirit, enhance personal character, confront offenders and cope with life's challenges.

The father's key purpose is to adapt his son to life in the big world. Conversations, cooperative leisure time or work, help in studying and resolving conflicts – all these activities are intended to show a certain model to be further used when making your own decisions in an adult life.

"Male" hobbies are very significant – activities where women are not welcome. They are hunting, fishing, designing, driving a motorcycle and other hobbies. In the process of an interaction, a guy does not only get knowledge but also receives a useful example, builds social ties with other men and acquires the skill of transferring knowledge. In a few years, he will be practicing it with his children.

Сommunication with mother

Adolescents sometimes show communication problems. You need to remember that the relationship between a mother and a son is not the same as between a mother and a daughter. Everything is clearer and predictable with a girl. Remembering herself when a child, a mother easily finds common ground and builds a trusting relationship with her child. Difficulties often arise with sons, mainly due to the extremes. Some mothers are too protective of their children, while others, on the contrary, enforce early independence: “You are a man.” Anyway, a mother means the whole world for a teen boy.

Mother's fondness and kind words become the determining factors to develop a mature personality. The boy runs to his mother for support and comfort, her hugs heal and soothe. All the tenderness and wisdom of the universe for a teen boy are concentrated in the image of the mother.

Friendship between a teenage son and his mother is the key factor for a trusting relationship.. Mutual respect is the ground for partnership. There is no place for overprotection or detachment, parental manipulation. Mom for a teenager is a person who will always understand, accept and love unconditionally.

Parenting a teenage boys: typical mistakes

How to deal with a troubled teenager boy? Parents often make typical mistakes in raising teen sons unintentionally. Let's review some of them.

Total control

As long as you control every step of your son, he will remain a little boy – dependent, inactive, incapable of making decisions. He will not be able to be responsible for his words and actions, he will be incapable of communicating outside the family (a stranger will not “nurse” him).

He may become infantile, unable to cope with serious work and build mature relationships with women in the future. The only way to avoid this is to reduce control over a child and let him pay his dues.

Punishment and scolding is not an option

Every time you want to punish your son for his wrongdoing, imagine what you would do if he did the same to you. But he feels the strength to fight back already. It is only a matter of time when and how this will happen.

You will not achieve any results when shouting, it will only distance the child from you. It is better to understand the reasons for what happened and try to understand the motivating factors. Perhaps this finding will be unpleasant for you, but at least you will be aware of how your teenager lives and why he acts this way.

Lack of understanding

In his book “How to Talk So Teens Will Listen?” M. Faber wrote: “The key to the well-being of our adolescent children (and sometimes even to their physical safety) lies in the ability to access the thoughts and values ​​of parents. A teenager needs to voice their doubts, talk about their fears, and explore different behaviors in communication with an adult who can listen without making any judgments and help make responsible decisions.

Until you build a trusting relationship with a teenager, it is impossible to hope for the harmonious development of his personality. You need to talk a lot, deeply and honestly. Only then can you truly get to know your son.

Ignoring the opinion of a teenager

If you do not consider it necessary to take into account the wishes and opinion of your son, this will cause an aggressive protest sooner or later. You should understand that this is no longer the kid you can offer porridge or porridge to. And in any case, he will choose it, because there are no other options.

An older guy is incapable of understanding the situation and making his own opinion about it. Do not humiliate him by ignoring him, it is better to honestly say: “We will make a decision on this issue, but we will definitely consider your vision and desires.”

Too little attention

It is not true that young children need lots of attention, and teenagers need parents less. This is how adults justify their unwillingness to spend time on grown-up children. In a situation when parental attention is not quite enough, teen boys quickly find authority among friends, but it is not known whether they will positively influence a teen boy.&

Get your son involved in family activities, leisure. Find time to communicate and show interest in his affairs. Seeing you being interested, he will feel a part of the family, an important and needed person for his parents.

Excessive demands

Sometimes parents impose certain clichés on their children, which they either invent themselves or borrow from the society. The teen son must be strong, calm and intelligent. What if he is not? If your son is not in good physical form, does it make sense to drive him to the stadium, to the gym? Perhaps his personal power is in sharp mind or unique inventiveness.

It is totally obvious that high school academic performance has nothing to do with being successful in adulthood. Therefore, it makes no sense to demand high marks from the child, sports achievements and other remarkable successes needed by parents only. Let him get his own heights which he thinks are important.

*****

A teenage boy is a person sometimes vulnerable, sometimes rude, sometimes cheerful, sometimes dull. Do not try to keep up with the mood shift and put him within acceptable limits. All you can give him is much love, care and understanding. Even if at some point it seems that he does not need it.

Watch your son grow. Remember every stage of his growing up, as these days will never come back, and the memories of them will be with you for the rest of your life.