How To Deal With Your Child Lying: tips for parents

A child lying? Probably no one is shocked by the fact that all people lie from time to time. Consciously or accidentally, justified or unprincipled, white lie or lie for harm – a lie has dozens of facets. If this statement is taken as an axiom, then it becomes interesting at what time period do people acquire this skill? Why do children lie? How does the ability to lie develop and at what age? How to react to lies properly and make sure that the child does not begin to lie for any reason?

Is it normal for a child to lie

It's ok if children lying? It is quite natural that the concept of "lie" has a negative meaning. Who likes to be dumbed down by his own child or loved one? But it is worth looking at this phenomenon a little more widely and one can note an obvious positive aspect which is far from alone.

If your child began to dissemble, it means that he has reached a certain stage of development: the ability to lie is a sign of high intelligence.

At what age are kids lying more often? When do children start lying? The University of Montreal conducted a large-scale study of children's lies. As a result, a certain age threshold for the beginning the lying ability development was established – 3-4 years. But for children who outpaced their peers in development, this period began at 2-3 years. It is not difficult to assume that if a little liar proved himself at 2-4 years old, this is a reason to rejoice: your child is normal, develops correctly and promptly..

Another positive aspect of lying is that only brave people are capable of lying. After all, lying is like doing a feat. Let's look at the mechanism of lie formation:

1. You need to realize that you can’t tell the truth by any means.
2. We need to model a different reality.
3. You need to believe in this reality yourself and be able to express it convincingly enough to believe it.
4. You need to remember your lie and stick to the invented version for as long as it takes.
5. You need to be aware of the consequences of a lie, have the courage to confess and suffer a well-deserved punishment.

To learn how to lie effectively and without the risk of revelation, you need to have social and communicative skills, logical thinking and a high level of cognitive development.

Quite a reason to be proud, isn't it?

Types of lies children tell their parents

To understand the nature of lies, you need to know the varieties why kids lying:

1. Shifting responsibility: "I didn't do it." The reason may be the fear of punishment or the desire to teach another child a lesson – the one who is blamed.
2. Falsification is the most interesting kind of lie. As a rule, children with a developed imagination, creative individuals resort to it. Falsification involves creating a completely new story (“I can bend spoons with my eyes”) or embellishing the facts of a real event (“I caught such a big fish”). Its reason is the desire to attract attention, to seem better than he really is. Often this is the only way of self-expression for profoundly notorious people/children.
3. Plagiarism is the presentation of the results of someone else's work for their own. A solution for a not too hard working person. Why waste time on something that can be easily taken? This kind of lie is typical for school children.
4. Excuse: "I am late because I was taking the old lady across the street." Classics of the genre. Here is the wish to avoid responsibility for being late, and an attempt to demonstrate to others such qualities as altruism and nobility.
5. Omission is the type of lie used by adults most often. The half truth is also a lie, but many are uncomfortable with it. Children very quickly adopt the practice of half-truth and willingly use it for the rest of their lives.
6. Minimization is another favorite technique from the "adult" world, namely, the deliberate understatement of the consequences of misconduct. They resort to this type of lie only to avoid responsibility. If you minimize the damage, you can suffer a much lighter punishment.

Why do children lie? Dr. Nancy Darling from Oberlin University (USA) conducted a study, as a result of which they identified 10 things teenagers lie most often about:

• What is the money spent on?
• What movie did you watch / what game did you play?
• Who are their friends?
• Do they have a couple?
• What do they do when their parents are away?
• Do they take alcohol/drugs?
• What clothes do they wear?
• How do their parties go?
• Who did they drive with?
• What's going on at school?

When children's lies become dangerous

When is a child lying dangerous? Every phenomenon has its limit or maximum level. When a child's lies become absurd, he lies too often, or his words are harmful for him or other people, it's time to stop.

Pathological liars do not get that way overnight. They develop their superpower over the years. With the passive participation of parents, of course.

Why do kids lie? Which "red lights" exist in the children's lies? The first one is that the child lies for no apparent reason, and answers a direct question: “Just like that.” The second one is if the lie is malicious in nature. Its purpose is to make the other person suffer. For example, defaming a sister / brother, so that he was denied sweets, and the liar got a double portion. Having noticed this, try to explain to the child such a concept as "meanness" in a clear way.

The third "light" is when the lie exceeds all acceptable limits. You can cheat, hide the truth, or you can tell a pack of lies just to discourage others. If a child tends to hyperbolize events / phenomena, have a closer look if he does not spend too much time watching TV or using gadgets. This is a clear signal that he is shifting away from reality.

And the last, fourth, sign is showing that it's time to firmly stop children's lies – when a little liar harms himself. For example, he promised to buy a Kinder for all kids in the yard,purely for noble motives, but did not do this, because the parents had not given him money. The result is the following: the children turn away from the lier and no longer play with him. To save the baby from disappointment, you need to stop his desire to please others via false promises.

How to deal with your child lying

What should parents do if the child is lying? The easiest and most effective way to wean a child from lying is to maintain a trusting relationship with him. How to deal with your child lying: tips for parents.

1. Learn to respond appropriately to misbehavior. Do not raise your voice, do not use abnormal vocabulary and bodily punishment. Try to clearly explain that misbehavior is unacceptable. Determine the punishment for disobedience – deprivation of sweets, gadgets, walks, or any other at your discretion. Let the punishment be firm and inevitable, but not cruel. Then the baby will be aware of the degree of responsibility, but will not be afraid of it, and at the same time will not lie in order to avoid punishment.
2. Be aware of the child's problems. If he feels unhappy, does not get along well at school or with friends, try to find out the reason. Even if he lied to you in such a situation, do not scold, but show sympathy and a sincere wish to help.
3. Don't push. Yes, the kid lied. But you should not cut off his escape route and the opportunity to redeem himself to correct the situation. Let him learn how to solve problems. Even those ones that he unwittingly created himself with his lies.
4. Encourage honesty. If the child eventually admits the lies, praise him. Honesty is a good personal trait always worth appreciating.
5. Point out mistakes, but don't blame. Ridiculing, teasing, and criticizing harshly children for the mistakes they make due to their inexperience is the worst parental tactic. It will lead to the situation that the child would rather lie than receive another portion of ridicule and criticism.
6. Love your children unconditionally. Not only for successes and diligent behavior, but also for all their mistakes and shortcomings. If the child feels that you love him the way he is (and in any situation), he will not need to lie to remain "nice" in your eyes.
7. Watch yourself. Adults often resort to cunning and crafty and the so-called white lies. At the same time, adults forget that children are closely watching them and learn from them. Try to be honest at least with your inner circle.

It is impossible to completely avoid lying throughout life. You can only minimize lies and reduce the damage they bring.