What Causes Aggression In A Child And How To Deal With It

Starting points to address aggressive behavior in a child 

With today’s fast paced world, many people can step into unknown territory when their child exhibits aggressive or inappropriate behaviors. This blog post should be taken as a general guide or starting point to help a child. I always encourage my clients and their natural supports to become collaborators to find unique ways to apply the tools that are suggested in my office. If the behaviors are severe enough to consider hospitalization or police involvement, engaging in mental health services are more appropriate.

What causes aggressive behavior in a child?

Aggressive or inappropriate behavior can be caused by biological or environmental factors. There are many biological factors that can contribute to a child exhibiting these behaviors. Undiagnosed ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), ASD (Autism Specitrum Disorder), learning disabilities, or poor eyesight are a few examples. If there has not been a formal diagnosis, I would encourage to contact your primary care physician to see what the next steps are in your situation to test for biological reasons for the aggressive behaviors.

An environment can cause aggressive behaviors to surface as well. Hunger, lack of sleep, inconsistent sleep schedule, harsh or inconsistent parenting styles, trauma, or frustration. These are a few environmental factors that can contribute to a child becoming aggressive. One of the more difficult aspects is being able to, as the caregiver, to step back to see what the child or person is needing. Working with my client and their parents, we explore what is the root cause of the behavior. By looking beyond, the presenting behavior one could see the deeper need of the child. For example, when a person is hungry do they experience a headache or pains in their stomach? Looking at this from the lens of a child who may not be able to fully express what is happening may be the cause.

Family, society, specialists

Family

Family can play a pivotal part in how a child expresses their anger, if they are allowed to express anger, or what is appropriate when talking about anger. Children are like sponges and mimic what they see in the world around them. This starts in the home. Children will mimic how parents, siblings, and other relatives act around them. A children can believe that aggression is appropriate if they see it from whom they see the most. This is where seeking help starting at a parent level can be beneficial. If a parent or caregiver believes it is appropriate to act in an aggressive way, then the child will mimic the behavior. If a spouse belittles another person, even while driving, the child will believe this is the way they are supposed to act.

“Family-based risks begin before birth, encompassing genetic and epigenetic processes. Contextual stressors (e.g., poverty, conflict) may impact development directly or indirectly through disrupted parenting behavior, including high negativity, low warmth, harshness, and exposure to violence” (Labella & Masten, 2017). This guides attachment of children to their caregivers. If there is a maladaptive attachment to caregivers, a child may not want to connect with the caregiver at any level. This can result in aggressive or dismissive behaviors from children.

Society

Society plays a significant role in how a child interacts with the world around them. Cultures, socio-economic status (SES), religion, neighborhood, likes, dislikes, gender roles, regulations, and laws all impact how a person views themselves within the world. These examples can have a healthy or unhealthy influence. For example, food can vary widely between neighborhoods within the same city. The quality of food or available food can cause different physiological presentations in people. A good example of this is having a vitamin D deficiency. There are many studies that link a deficiency in vitamin D to aggression or mood disorders. In many cities in America, inner cities have “food deserts”. These are places where foods packed with preservatives and low-quality foods are typical. These can cause an increase in ADHD symptoms which can present as a misbehaving child. “Children with blood vitamin D levels suggestive of deficiency were almost twice as likely to develop externalizing behavior problems–aggressive and rule breaking behaviors — as reported by their parents, compared with children who had higher levels of the vitamin” (University of Michigan, 2019).

Systemic racism and classism also play a part in what the child hears from others. If a person sees how the system is against them it is easy to see aggressive behaviors presenting themselves because at early stages of development, seeing the world as right verses wrong is typical. When a child grows up in an environment where they are always blamed for problems, whether societal or within the family, many will quickly give up and start doing whatever they feel. This is due to the possibility that others around them view the world as unfair and will act according to their morals, values, ethics, and beliefs. A good example of this is having darker complexion. In many cultures and countries around the world, the darker someone’s skin is the lower value they have. This has caused people to bleach their skin, engage in risky behaviors, and even hate themselves because of how their environment views them.

Specialists

Always checking with the child’s pediatrician or nutritionist is the first step in determining where the child’s health is, if anything, nutritionally is impacting the child’s behavior. Mental health professionals, Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), schools, and community supports (i.e., mentor programs, or youth focused programs, etc.) can provide guidance and respite support. Contacting https://www.211.org can connect a person to community resources in your local area.

How to handle angry aggressive child

1. Throws a tantrum 

Please consider that these are suggestions or places to start. Tantrums are emotional outbursts that are a child’s way of trying to express a possible unmet need. Tantrums are typically before a child can express their emotions in a socially proper way. Typically, tantrums start around 1 and continue through 3 years old. There can be reasons that tantrums can happen later than 3 years old. For any human, routine is helpful for proper development of a person. 

Stay Calm.

This can be hard because of the situation, if it’s in public, or your tired. Taking a few moments before responding can help center the parent to have a response the parent is desiring.

Using a firm voice.

Having a firm, yet non-abusive tone to one’s voice can help especially if it is different than what the child is used to hearing.

Set clear expectations.

Think like an emergency room nurse. Too many instructions can overwhelm an overwhelming situation.

Avoid the phrase “use your words” before helping the child build their vocabulary.

In this moment the child is using their words. Think of them as an infant. Infants cry and parents typically don’t ask the infant to “use their words”. Try phrases such as, “are you hungry?”, “do you need some water?”, “are you sad because you want the toy?”, etc. Finding out what the child needs in that moment can start building language skills so they can eventually use their words.

Avoid bribing.

Bribing can stop the behavior in the moment. However, the child will learn that by throwing a tantrum, they will get what they want which will make breaking this habit harder.

2. Gets angry, expresses negative thoughts, intimidates revenge

Please consider that these are suggestions or places to start.

Anger

• Anger is a warning to those around a person to get away. Besides, ADHD, ASD, learning disabilities, or sensory overloads a neurotypical child might be expressing anger due to a problem that needs addressing.
• Yelling or challenging the child with a loud tone may exacerbate the problem.
• Using reason or logic might make the problem worse. i.e., saying, “you’re the one who forgot to do your homework” can bring more guilt and shame to the situation.

§  Try: “Let’s take a break and we can do it together after 10 minutes.”

• Don’t take what they say personal. As a former high school teacher, the list of what I’ve been called is long. Understanding the situation the students were in outside of the classroom helped build a relationship with the student which fostered a different approach from my students.
• Model desired behaviors. If the caregiver is explosive, then the child will mimic the behavior. If the child’s behavior is corrected, but the caregiver is not this will confuse and frustrate the child even more.

Negative thoughts

• Negative thoughts can come from a variety of sources. Having a perfection mindset, use of words that the caregivers use, or it could be linked to a diagnosis.
• Having a growth mindset. Too often people compare self to others without knowing the full story. Bringing the child’s focus to taking steps for growth, no matter how small, can dimmish negative self-talk.
• Are you, the caregiver using the same words? Children mimic what those around them say and do. If a caregiver or family member calls themself negative words, the child will believe this is correct behavior.

Intimidating or revenge seeking

• Intimidation or revenge seeking is sometimes due to the person being in pain. It may take a person outside of the situation to get to the root of the pain.
• Practicing empathy and affection can help soothe the pain.
• Spending quality time with child outside of the undesired behavior can help build up the child’s self-worth.

3. Kicking, trying to hit or bite

Please consider that these are suggestions or places to start. It is typical for a toddler to bite, kick, or hit. If kicking, hitting, or biting is due to a biological concern utilizing professional to come up with a plan might be needed.

Use simple phrases:

• Ouch that hurt with a sad face then provide an alternative to gain attention.
• Understanding the reason. Looking at what was happening right before or thinking about when was the last time the child slept or ate may give clues to why the behavior is happening.
• Don’t hit or bite the child back. This can send conflict messages to the child if they can’t inflict pain, but parent can.
• Think about how the parent is interacting with the child. Rough play will result in rough play.

4. Flashes in a second and calms down quickly

Please consider that these are suggestions or places to start. Teaching strategies to handle the flash. The flash might be caused by the child needing to get the energy out or express themselves before being able to express themselves in a healthier way. Physical activities, screaming, art, etc. can be avenues which the child can use to express the flash.

5. Being bullied

Please consider that these are suggestions or places to start. Being bullied can take an emotional and physical toll on a person. If this is happening in a school, day care, etc. working with their staff to bring the situation to light can help slow or stop the bullying at their center. Bullying can cause anxiety or depression which can be quelled through providing a safe space at home where the child feels loved. Actively, helping the child become empowered to stop the behavior through walking away, ignoring the bully, or helping the child understand it isn’t their fault. For parents, listening, reassuring the child, and helping them with calming strategies can be useful.

6. Maliciously effects other children

Please consider that these are suggestions or places to start. Dangerous or showing a desire to harm another should be taken seriously. Understanding who or what is teaching the child this behavior is helpful. Helping a child find ways to express their emotions in healthier ways can help teach the child healthier coping skills. These behaviors can stem from a variety of reasons. Helping the child process and work through what is causing the stress or anxiety can help parents see and adjust the malicious behavior. However, if the undesired behavior has become to this point working closely with doctors or mental health professional to provide tools that are unique to your situation might be best.

7. Attacks verbally

Please consider that these are suggestions or places to start. Finding where the child learned this behavior is key. Is the child learning this from family members, peers, or social media? It might be due to a health concern like Autism.

• Don’t take it personally. I know hearing your child call you horrible names is the worst.Staying calm and sometimes walking away from the situation might be the best course of action.
• Trying to have power. Power struggles can be a cause of verbal attacks. However, verbally abusive people have learned that to gain power they must become abusive because of an unmet need.
• Problem-solving skills. The abusive behavior might be due to a desire to solve a problem which seems unsolvable. When the child is in a calmer state, working with them through what caused the verbal attack can help.