How to Deal with Terrible Twos: Tips for Parents

What are the terrible twos? Parents should know that a crisis is a normal and natural phenomenon. From Greek, the word "crisis" is translated as a "turning point."
Indeed , having overcome another crisis, the child masters new normal 2- year- old behavior models, expands horizons, and grows up.

Not the first, but the brightest turning point in the lives of children is the terrible twos. In our article we will discuss this and provide tips on how to deal with the terrible twos.

How To Deal With the Terrible Twos: Tips For Parents

The terrible twos is a common and natural crisis that parents should be aware of. The term comes from the Greek language, meaning a turning point. Each crisis period helps the child to develop new behavioral patterns, broaden their horizons, and mature. The terrible twos are perhaps the most significant turning point in a child's life. In this article we will discuss it and provide tips on how to handle it.

What are the terrible twos

Parents often fear the inevitable crisis that comes with their child's growth. It's understandable, since a child can be one way today and completely different the next day. How can parents adapt to these changes and find an approach to their child's new personality? The behavior of the terrible twos is related to a natural personality transformation that comes with age.

It's not just the uncertainty that can be frightening, but also the fact that children tend to misbehave during these times. However, this terrible twos behavior is completely normal. When do the terrible twos start? If your child is approaching the age of three and hasn't shown signs of a natural personality transformation, it's worth being cautious.

It's possible that the changes will come later, or your child may have difficulty adjusting to new behavioral patterns. The only way to handle these periods is to accept that they are inevitable. These turning points will happen whether you like it or not, and how they affect your relationship with your child depends on your actions. At a certain age, parents will have to deal with the terrible twos.

Psychologists agree that creating a comfortable emotional atmosphere during these difficult periods and showing understanding, patience, and support can make all the difference.

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What is the terrible twos stage

During the terrible twos phase, a child starts to explore and test the limits of their own identity. Prior to this stage, they see their mother as an extension of themselves, catering to all of their needs. However, as they develop, they begin to view themselves as separate individuals.

The child becomes aware that they can satisfy their own needs, such as getting a cookie from the table. This newfound independence encourages them to try to do more things on their own, such as dressing themselves or selecting their own toys. While they may succeed at some tasks, they will inevitably face challenges, which can lead to frustration and tantrums when they are unable to do things themselves.

How do you deal with the terrible twos: help or not

How to handle the "terrible twos"? Getting ready to go outside can feel like a battlefield. The child attempts to put on their own boots, but struggles with the fasteners due to their undeveloped fine motor skills. The child may become agitated and cry, yet at the same time refuse their parent's assistance. So, what should be done in this situation, and what exactly is typical behavior for a 2-year-old?

As the famous saying goes, "understand and forgive." Wait patiently for the child to attempt to handle the task on their own, offer helpful advice or show them how to unfasten their boots gently. However, it's important not to snatch the boots away or discourage their first attempts at independence.

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What are the signs of the terrible twos behavior?

— The child may start to reject parental limits. For example, if they previously responded to the word "no," they may now ignore it on purpose.

— Their desire for independence can sometimes pose a danger to their health and safety. They may "lose" their parents in a crowd to explore something that catches their interest.

— Children may have different attitudes towards different adult family members, showing respect and obedience to some while disregarding others.

— Behaviors can change dramatically. A child who was previously calm while waiting in line with their mother may become a disruptive nightmare for everyone around them at age 3.

Internal and external conflicts

During the "terrible twos" crisis period, three-year-olds face two types of conflicts — internal and external.

1. Internal conflict arises when the child wants to do something independently without their mother's help but is unable to do so due to their limited abilities, such as height or motor skills. The child may feel frustrated, angry at themselves, or helpless.

2. External conflict arises when the child wants to do something that can harm them, but their mother does not allow it, leading to a protest. The child may wonder why they cannot do it when they feel capable of doing it, such as climbing onto a stool to reach the kettle on the stove.

Crisis or whims

It's essential to distinguish between the "terrible twos" crisis and simple whims or bad manners. A sudden onset of desire with a sharp cooling upon switching attention characterizes a whim that a child doesn't yet know how to control or hide. Firmness and teaching behavior rules in different situations will help restrain them.

Personal development is a conscious and deep process that involves persistence and repetition of a particular action when a child strives for something.

Examples of whims include "Buuuuy!" in the shop, "I want a car like that boy!" at the playground, and "I won't eat porridge!" at the table.

Examples of crisis manifestations include "I myself!" when they try to turn on the washing machine, "Give me!" when they want to talk on the phone with their grandmother, and "I don’t want to go to the park. I want to walk near the house" when they defend their interests.

By observing their child's behavior, parents can distinguish between whims and actions motivated by personality transformation. In case of impulses, parents should divert their child's attention, explain why it cannot be done calmly but firmly. During manifestations of the crisis, parents should patiently observe and help their child while allowing them to explore new horizons.

Also: How To Calm A Toddler Crying For No Reason: 10 tips

How to deal with the terrible twos

The adequate attitude of parents towards their child's terrible twos crisis is built on three pillars: patience, understanding and acceptance. However, a fourth pillar is also necessary: help. Here are some tips to ease a three-year-old's pain during this crisis:

Tip 1: Don't interfere.

Sometimes, a parent's actions can interfere with the child's desire to do things on their own. If the child wants to do something, let them do it, but ensure that it is within safe limits.

Tip 2: Offer an alternative. 

If the child insists on doing something that does not align with the parent's plans, offer a compromise that shows respect for their wishes.

Tip 3: Use incentives. 

Be diplomatic when you need something from the child, and they are feeling stubborn.

Tip 4: Anticipate protests. 

By studying the child's behavior, anticipate situations in which they may not behave appropriately.

Tip 5: Respect personal space. 

As the child learns about their own boundaries, they also begin to understand personal space and belongings. Respect these categories practically, rather than just verbally. If the child has something they do not wish to share, do not force them to.

Tip 6: Offer help.

If the child is persistently trying to do something but struggling, offer advice but do not rush to do it for them. Calmly accept rejection if it comes.

Tip 7: Relax inhibitions.

During the terrible twos, temporarily ease boundaries. The child is highly anxious during this period, and they still need their parent's support. Try not to set new limits and cancel some of the old ones. For example, if a child is sleeping in their own room but decides to climb into their parent's bed in the middle of the night, do not remove them. This little encouragement will not undermine parental authority, but instead reinforce the child's faith in their parent's love and support during this challenging time.

 

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During the terrible twos, parents often view the terrible twos behavior from an adult perspective and can sometimes unknowingly impose their own motives onto a child. It can be challenging to see the world through the eyes of a three-year-old and fully understand the reasons behind their actions. However, it is crucial to exhibit patience and respect for the child's developing personality, which will continue to grow more independent but no less wonderful and cherished.