Why Kids Fight and How to Stop It

Experts in psychology, education, and psychotherapy assert that a child's aggression is a common and age-specific phase of development. Yet, for parents, the pressing question remains: how to get my kids to stop fighting? How can I curb their inclination for conflict and prevent fighting from evolving into a habitual behavior?

5 causes of why kids fight

Preparedness is key. By comprehending the underlying causes behind why kids fight in school or daycare, you can intervene effectively or seek guidance from a psychologist. Here's a breakdown:

1. Warriors in Training: It's inherent for kids to channel their boundless energy into fights. This behavior is often observed in children with ADHD.

2. Response to Pressure: Aggression can arise from a child living amid stress and conflict, facing excessive parental demands and academic stress.

3. The Quest for Dominance: Just like in the wider world, children vie for status and resources. This competition is apparent within groups or classes, and rivalry often leads to fights.

4. A Cry for Help: Aggression might stem from a nervous disorder. Instead of punitive measures, a child in this situation needs professional support and familial understanding.

5. A Lack of Boundaries: Children who lack proper guidance on societal norms and personal boundaries may resort to fighting. A permissive upbringing could lead to a misunderstanding of acceptable behavior.

Also: How to Deal with Your Child Lying: Tips for Parents

Strategies how to make your kids stop fighting

How can you stop children's fighting? Consider these effective tips.

Understand the source of aggression

Discover the triggers that lead your child to resort to physical confrontation. By analyzing the situation, you can encourage conflict resolution through peaceful means. Avoid pressuring the child to prevent them from becoming uncommunicative, as this could obscure the root cause of the fights.

When addressing the issue of why kids fight in school, engage with witnesses and teachers. Get the complete story from both sides of the conflict. The goal is to uncover as many details as possible, teaching the child to be more thoughtful next time and fostering resilience in the face of provocation.

Maintain self-control

While it's distressing to witness your child getting into physical altercations, it's crucial to remain composed. Refrain from outbursts, shouting, or, worse yet, resorting to physical discipline like slapping. Speak firmly and rationally, steering clear of undue emotional reactions.

Cultivate empathy

In the words of Ernest M. Hemingway, "Brave men do not have to fight duels and many cowards duel constantly to make themselves believe they are brave." Consider that your child might be fighting due to underlying fear or to secure their position. This is a common cause of why children are fighting at school where they establish their roles within the group.

Your mission is to uncover not just the trigger why children fight but also to understand your child's emotional state. To achieve this, delve into why the child felt compelled to be confrontational. This approach encourages your children to cease fighting.

Channel their potential

For physically adept and courageous children, redirect their energy toward productive outlets. Instead of engaging in schoolyard conflicts, encourage participation in sports like Eastern martial arts, wrestling, or boxing. These activities allow children to express themselves constructively while learning emotional regulation.

Renowned boxer Mike Tyson once said, "Everyone that you fight is not your enemy and everyone who helps you is not your friend." Sports teach kids to differentiate between allies and adversaries, helping them navigate conflicts with composure.

Reinforce positive conduct

When all else fails to stop children from fighting in daycare, consider using positive reinforcement. Achieve a month without fights? Celebrate the achievement with a picnic or a cinema outing. This approach illustrates to your child that good behavior is more rewarding and advantageous than habitual conflicts.

Highlight consequences

Every child's fight bears consequences, albeit not exclusively physical ones. The loser's self-esteem takes a hit, while the winner grapples with the psychological aftermath. Although physical injuries result in only about 1% of fights, emotional turmoil persists. Make sure your child is aware of these repercussions. Moreover, fighting brands a child as aggressive, potentially alienating peers.

Identify triggers

A child might behave impeccably in sports activities or developmental classes but struggle with fighting at school. This could be due to the stress daycare elicits. If a child dislikes daycare, feels emotionally suppressed there, or is generally uncomfortable outside of home, they may resort to fighting as a protest against attending.

Also: 5 Common Bad Habits in Children and How to Break Them: Tips for Parents

Offer reassurance

Although quelling a combative child isn't simple, it's vital to calm them swiftly. Remove the child from the scene of conflict, offering consolation and expressing your disappointment in their actions. However, reassure them of your love and willingness to assist. Discuss past scenarios when they managed their emotions well, and explore why this situation differed. Engaging in this dialogue helps children regain their composure while providing parents with insights to prevent future episodes.

In essence, all advice on how to make your kids stop fighting boils down to three fundamental principles: address aggression triggers, convey the repercussions of fighting, and foster open communication with parents. Even applying these core principles can significantly reduce the occurrence of such incidents. Best of luck!