Japanese Parenting Style

What characterizes parenting in Japan? The child-rearing practices in Japan are encompassed by the overarching term "ikuji." This encompasses an entire set of pedagogical methods and principles focused on guiding a child (often referred to as the "child of the Sun") onto a righteous life path.

This system is structured into three stages of personality development and three distinct educational approaches. Let's delve into each of these stages and explore the advantages and disadvantages of the Japanese parenting style.

Japanese parenting from 0 to 5 years: the baby emperor phase

Infants in Japan are regarded with deep respect, reflecting the distinct parenting styles in the country. It's believed that a child isn't merely a blessing but rather the embodiment of divinity on Earth. The mere occurrence of pregnancy signifies profound joy. In Japanese tradition, a woman's sense of fulfillment often hinges on her ability to give birth. The absence of heirs is viewed as a great sorrow for men.

Children as blessings

Conceiving children in Japan is a deliberate choice. Children are highly cherished. The arrival of a baby elevates the family's status, and a young mother's life revolves entirely around her child. Significantly, the connection between mother and child holds paramount importance. Interestingly, the Japanese language lacks a specific term for "mother." Instead, the concept is encompassed by the broader term "amae," which encapsulates affection and care.

Mothers devot e all their time and attention to cater to their baby's needs and desires. Breastfeeding continues for the necessary duration, often extending beyond the official recommendation of 8 months by Japanese medical professionals. For household tasks, mothers use specialized slings to carry their babies on their backs.

The young "emperor" is seamlessly integrated into family activities. Engaging in play, strolls, and visits is common. Generally, mothers refrain from entrusting their children to grandparents or sending them to daycare until they reach the age of three. Similarly, rejoining the workforce before this age is less likely. While fathers actively participate in child-rearing practices in Japan, their involvement is often concentrated on weekends.

Also: 20 Ways How To Bond With Your Baby: Tips For Parents

Embracing curiosity

Even though children under five might not grasp the concepts of "no" and "no," they exhibit remarkable naughtiness. However, such curiosity and interest in objects and individuals are encouraged. Even if a child is drawn to another person's belongings, taking them away isn't considered. Rather, adults admire the child's inquisitiveness and nurture their cognitive exploration.

Should a child stumble, experience pain, or fear, mothers refrain from reprimanding. On the contrary, they provide solace and seek forgiveness for not preventing the mishap. Their response fosters a sense of understanding and encourages the child's sense of self-preservation.

During these formative years, children are enveloped in an environment of affection. To their parents, they are paragons of perfection – beautiful, brilliant, and faultless. This establishes a steadfast belief in their own significance.

Parenting methods in japan from ages 6 to 15: the servant child phase

A child's life undergoes a dramatic transformation at around age 6. They transition from being revered as a "god" to adopting the complex role of a "servant." It's important to interpret this term cautiously – it reflects the introduction of rules and restrictions, a novel concept for a child who has grown up with a degree of permissiveness.

Community-centric values

The focus shifts from individualistic upbringing to communal orientation. Children start attending school, where they learn about society, teamwork, and the importance of communication. They are taught to prioritize the community's interests, even when they might conflict with their personal inclinations. This social dynamic has its roots in the historical need for harmonious community functioning to avert famine. Each member was expected to fulfill their role like a cog in a well-oiled machine.

This community-oriented approach influences modern Japanese society, which values social responsibility, collaborative ventures, and collective accomplishments. Social detachment is perceived as a form of punishment in parenting in Japanese culture.

Nurturing independence

From the age of 6 onward, children are gradually encouraged to establish their identity within a group context. The consciousness of functioning within a collective community becomes a dominant theme in their education, sports, and recreational activities. They are familiarized with behavioral norms and interactions with their peers. Adherence to these norms becomes paramount, often superseding personal achievements.

Kindergartens rotate both teachers and children across different groups to prevent strong personal attachments from forming. At the school level, students are frequently shuffled to create new teams. While students' preferences for future study partners are occasionally considered, the overarching objective is to cultivate interaction skills, irrespective of personal likes or dislikes.

Also: How to Deal with Terrible Twos: Tips for Parents

Japanese parenting from age 15: the equality phase

Japanese tradition holds that around the age of 15, a child becomes a full-fledged member of society – a mature individual. Relationships between parents and teenagers are built upon the tenets of equality and respect. Teenagers gain the capacity to make independent decisions and are empowered to choose their path in life, including their profession, lifestyle, appearance, and more.

However, young individuals are still expected to uphold family and community traditions and values.

Gender distinctions

Boys and girls in Japan are raised with distinct expectations and roles, marking an essential aspect of the Japanese parenting style. These roles entail different social responsibilities. Boys are seen as heirs and protectors, while girls are deemed future caretakers of the home. Although gender distinctions are less prevalent among younger children, they become more pronounced as they mature.

For instance, boys may experience heavier academic loads and additional classes, with stricter expectations from teachers compared to their female counterparts. Division of domestic chores also aligns with traditional gender roles, with tasks such as cooking and cleaning typically associated with females.

The dual nature of japanese parenting practices

The Japanese parenting style undergoes a significant shift from granting initial freedom to imposing strict rules and regulations. This dual approach, while offering certain benefits, can also lead to potential drawbacks:

Boundless exploration hinders boundaries

The absence of prohibitions allows children to explore freely, yet growing up in an environment catering to their every whim may foster a sense of entitlement. Interactions with others might mirror this attitude of expecting obedience from all. When these expectations aren't met, the child might become frustrated and lost, as personal boundaries become blurred.

Delayed development of independence

The process of cultivating independence begins later, around the age of six, in Japan. This sharp transition disrupts the natural rhythm of growth, plunging children into the demands of social life. Such an abrupt shift can lead to stress and confusion. The child might struggle to comprehend why actions permissible yesterday are now off-limits today.

Excessive parental involvement hampers the development of independence. While the child eventually learns to stand up for themselves and take responsibility for their actions, this growth might be stunted by internal conflicts.

Conformity at the expense of individuality

Japanese schools often suppress students' attempts to stand out or express opinions differing from the collective. The emphasis on conformity over individuality can negatively impact children who value personal freedom. The pressure to conform can trigger neurosis and stress, leading to a significant increase in youth suicides in Japan. In fact, in 2018 alone, the number of suicides among minors rose by 33%.

Also: 5 Effective Strategies to Help a Child with Low Self-Esteem

Navigating the challenges of applying japanese parenting

Should you find yourself drawn to the principles of Japanese parenting and wish to implement them in your own child-rearing practices, there are certain challenges you might encounter:

1. Constant Focus on the Child: Adopting the Japanese parenting style often requires the mother's unwavering attention and dedication to the child. You'll essentially become your child's constant companion, assistant, and shadow. If you seek solitude, your child might vehemently protest.

2. Different Social Norms: Other people may not be as accommodating of your child's "emperor" status, and allowing your child excessive freedom might be met with resistance.

3. Schooling System: The Western education system places a stronger emphasis on personal development, which contrasts with the Japanese approach that prioritizes growth through collective activities. If you're keen on aligning with the Japanese parenting style, finding a suitable school might be necessary.

4. Cultural Discrepancies: Living in a society with Western values might complicate the practice of gender separation prevalent in Japanese parenting.

Addressing these challenges necessitates a strong foundation in the theoretical aspects of Japanese parenting and an adept adaptation of its principles to your family's circumstances.

The ikuji system is undoubtedly a complex Japanese parenting approach, which is hardly surprising given its evolution over centuries, merging ancestral traditions with each generation's innovations. While some aspects of this methodology might appear peculiar, it's wise to withhold judgment and instead evaluate its outcomes. Given the hardworking, disciplined, and accomplished nature of the Japanese population, the results certainly hold merit.