What Happens When You Yell at a Child And How To Stop It

Why is yelling at your kids bad? It's a well-known fact that children misbehave at times, and parents react differently to this behavior. Some calmly call for order, while others resort to yelling. There's an opinion among mothers that parents who yell are simply tired and should be understood and forgiven. While fatigue may play a role, the problem runs much deeper than mere exhaustion.

Let's explore why parents raise their voices at children and how not to yell at their child.

The reasons for yelling at your kids

Parents often wonder: "why do I yell at my child"? Consider a situation where a mother is walking with her child on the street, and the child runs after a ball toward a busy intersection. The mother yells, "Be careful! You could get hit by a car!" At that moment, she has no other way to grab her child's attention and protect them from potential harm.

These situations are almost the only legitimate reason to raise your voice to a child. In other cases, it's possible to communicate with a normal tone and utilize effective educational techniques. So why do parents disregard these methods and continue yelling at their children?

1. Inability to clearly explain requests

The most common misconception is that a child won't understand unless you yell. Parents firmly believe that their child won't comply unless they raise their voice. However, it's not the child's fault for not understanding; it's the adult's responsibility to explain things in a way that the child can comprehend. Patience is required to provide detailed explanations and allow the child enough time to understand and act accordingly.

Also: Why are Kids So Annoying

2. Reacting to tantrums

When a child throws a tantrum in public, yelling and crying, parents may unwittingly tune in to the same emotional state and start yelling as well. They believe that yelling is the only way to calm the child down. However, this approach only exacerbates the situation, causing additional stress from the double tantrum.

3. Urgency and Impatience

Some parents yell to try to expedite their child's actions. While screaming may induce fear and prompt a child to move faster, it's unlikely to yield effective results. Under stress, a child is more likely to forget what they need to do and make more mistakes, leading to further yelling from parents.

4. Using yelling as a punishment

Another reason for yelling at kids is to punish them. Parents may believe that by yelling at their misbehaving child, they will scare them and prevent similar incidents from happening again. However, they overlook an important aspect: during a moment of yelling, children don't assimilate information. Even if correct words and arguments are shouted, they won't reach the child, who only wants their parent to calm down as quickly as possible.

5. Unleashing accumulated emotions

Accumulated irritability, stress, and fatigue demand an outlet. Some people relax in bed on weekends, others find solace in exercise, while some unconsciously direct their negative emotions towards their children. Why children? It's because of an unpleasant aspect of human nature: the tendency to suppress those who are weaker or have a lower status. Children inherently depend on their parents, and parents unconsciously use this dependency as a means to release their emotions.

Also: How to Teach Your Children to Control Their Emotions: Understanding and Managing Feelings

The consequences of yelling at your child

Why is yelling at your kids bad? When parents frequently yell at a child, it becomes their habitual mode of communication. A child understands their mother's intentions only when she yells; otherwise, they may ignore her. If you have been yelling at your child every day and suddenly have stopped, be prepared for the fact that your child may not listen to you initially.

Yelling also sets a poor example. A child learns that they can achieve what they want by yelling. They won't miss the opportunity to employ this perceived effective method of communication. A child may yell at parents, siblings, loudly demand things from friends or classmates at school, and resort to yelling in any difficult situation.

However, the most significant consequence of yelling as an unsuccessful parenting technique is the diminishing of parental authority. When parents yell, a child may comply out of fear, doing what is required of them. But this compliance isn't rooted in a genuine desire to please or satisfy. It's not because the child is accustomed to order and discipline. It's not because they fear disappointing their loved ones. Rather, it's simply to silence the screaming parent. In the eyes of the child, a yelling mother or father is a hysterical individual who is difficult to love and respect.

How to stop yelling at your child: 4 strategies for parents

Wondering how to stop yelling at your kid? Even if you are accustomed to raising your voice and can't fathom an alternative way to get your child to comply, it's never too late to pause and reassess your parenting methods. By following our advice, you can bid farewell to screaming in your household.

1. Practice patience

A lack of patience and self-control is the primary reason for yelling at kids. This behavior may not only manifest at home but also extend to other areas of life. Observe your reactions when someone steps on your foot in public transport or when a colleague spills tea on important papers at work
If your reaction exhibits signs of aggression, then it's a recurring pattern of behavior for you. To address this, practice self-control in everyday situations, even in minor instances. Monitor your words and actions during times of stress. Gradually, you will learn to stay calm when dealing with your child. You'll become more composed when responding to their mistakes, allowing them the opportunity to correct themselves, and patiently explaining the right course of action in a given situation.

2. Don't let your emotions align with your child's

When your child is agitated, throwing a tantrum, or demanding something, calmly inquire about what's wrong. Refrain from becoming irritated or annoyed alongside your child. Having two simultaneous breakdowns, especially when one party is an adult and the other is a child, not only appears nonsensical but also proves unproductive. Be a pillar of calm and wisdom in every situation. Your child will quickly regain composure and calmness when they see your composed demeanor.

3. Motivate instead of suppressing

Another approach to stop yelling at your kids is to understand that shouting may compel a child to comply, but it fails to teach them valuable lessons. This is particularly relevant in the realm of education. When assisting with homework, parents often yell because their children don't grasp the tasks or make mistakes. Yelling won't improve the situation; it will only exacerbate your child's negative emotions. Instead, motivate your child to understand the requirements, encourage practice drafts, or find alternative ways to avoid mistakes. Offer rewards for completing tasks correctly, or calmly assist them in figuring things out.

Also: Why Does Aggressive Child Behavior Occur, and How Do You Deal with It

4. Choose the right time and place for communication

Your child will only understand you if you carefully select the environment, both your and their mood, and the tone of the conversation.

1. Choose a time when your child is calm, preferably in the comfort of your home.

2. Pay attention to your tone: it should be firm, yet calm and friendly.

3. Clearly explain where mistakes were made and the consequences of those mistakes.

4. Teach your child how to do things correctly.

5. Ask them to recap the conversation and their understanding of it, ensuring comprehension.

6. If your child doesn't grasp it right away, be patient and explain again.

Find the rationale and strength within yourself to calmly communicate your expectations to your child. By doing so, you'll be able to stop yelling at your kid for good.