Why Do Kids Cry When They Wake Up

The peacefulness of your dreams is abruptly shattered by the sound of sobbing coming from the nursery – your child is awake, scared, sitting on the bed, and crying inconsolably. It's an unpleasant, yet not uncommon, situation. Let's explore why kids cry when they wake up and what can be done about it.

Why does my child wake up crying?

Parents often wonder, "Why does my child wake up crying?" The issue of night awakenings is most prevalent between the ages of 3 and 8, and if left unaddressed, these night fears can persist for a long time.

Stress from separation

Being away from parents at night can be extremely distressing for a child. They lose a sense of safety that they typically experience when close to their mother.

It is the responsibility of parents to help their child adjust to sleeping in a separate room. It's important to recognize that during this stressful period, the child shouldn't simply survive but rather be supported in adapting to their new sleeping arrangements as effectively as possible, in order for the child not to wake up crying every night.

Anxiety disorder and restless sleep

This is another reason why kids wake up crying. Emotionally sensitive children are more prone to night fears compared to those who are more balanced and calm. It largely depends on the child's temperament. Choleric and sanguine individuals are deeply affected by events from the previous day, and the accumulation of emotions prevents them from sleeping peacefully.

Also: Co-Sleeping With Baby: Advices For Parents

There is a physiological explanation for this phenomenon: the amygdala, a part of the brain responsible for processing and storing emotionally charged memories, remains highly active in such children. This activity persists even during sleep, causing the child to have light sleep, experience tremors, wake up, and feel anxiety and fear.

Why is it problematic when a child wakes up crying?

Why is it concerning if a child wakes up crying every night? It's important to distinguish between waking up and the ensuing panic and fear. These are distinct aspects because waking up during the night is not inherently negative:

• Most people wake up 1-2 times during the night, with sleep interruptions lasting from a few seconds to an hour or more.

• The ability to interrupt sleep is an unconscious skill inherited from our ancestors, allowing for quick reactions to potential dangers.

• Prolonged periods in one position can compress nerve endings in the limbs. The ability to wake up and change positions serves as a protective function.

• Staying somewhat awake during the night prevents entering overly deep sleep, ensuring sleep remains reversible.

However, the immediate panic and fear following waking up can indeed be harmful. Here are the reasons why:

• Any frightening situation triggers an increase in cortisol levels in the blood, also known as the fear hormone. Initially, cortisol levels are high, but over time, they decrease as the body eliminates excess hormones.

• If night fears persist daily, cortisol levels remain consistently elevated. Coping with such hormonal fluctuations becomes challenging for both children and adults.

• Elevated cortisol levels contribute to chronic stress, anxiety, sleep disturbances, and various disorders. These factors negatively impact a child's ability to learn, their activity levels, mood, and even their immune system.

Also: How To Calm A Toddler Crying For No Reason: 10 tips

How to help when your child wakes up crying

It's important to understand that a child cannot overcome this issue on their own. They won't simply outgrow or forget about their sleep problems. If parents do not intervene in a timely manner and provide assistance, the situation will only worsen.

The key is to teach children specific skills that can help them cope with night fears. Here's how to help when a child wakes up crying:

1. Emotion control

While it may be unrealistic to expect children under 5 years old to have full emotional control, it's never too early to start teaching them self-regulation.

2. Differentiating reality from dreams or fantasies

Children may feel scared not only upon awakening but even during the dreaming stage if they experience nightmares. During the first few minutes, they may not realize they're already awake, leading to continued crying as they relive the events from their dream. To quickly distinguish between dreams and reality, you can use a simple technique described by K. Castaneda in one of his books. Just instruct your child to look at their hands – if they can see them, it means they are in reality and the bad dream is over.

3. Trusting rational conclusions instead of irrational fears

For example, if a child has the thought that a giant snake will crawl out from under the closet, they should automatically counter that thought with the understanding that there are no snakes in their room and there can't be.

Also: How To Get Kids To Sleep: Tips For Parents

Addressing a child's crying upon waking should begin immediately after the first episodes occur. Take this matter seriously, as it can escalate over time, leading to highly undesirable consequences for the child's mental and physical health.

What can be done:

• Take your child's stories about what prevents them from sleeping and their fears at night seriously. Do not dismiss their emotions; instead, demonstrate complete understanding and a willingness to help.

• Avoid exacerbating night fears by following well-meaning suggestions such as using a "monster spray" or placing a protective amulet over your child's bed. By doing so, you inadvertently legitimize irrational fears and confirm to the child that they require protection, reinforcing the idea that the danger is real.

• Consider purchasing a beautiful night light with soft, diffused lighting for the nursery. Explain to your child that if they wake up and feel scared, they can look around the room in the light of the nightlight and see that there is no one there and that nothing frightening is happening.

• Introduce a pet (such as a hamster, fish, or parrot) and place its cage or aquarium in the nursery. Having a living presence nearby can provide comfort.

• When your child wakes up and screams or cries out of fear, make sure to go to them and calm them down. Show them that you are always available to comfort them, even if you sleep in a different room. Before falling asleep, say, "If you wake up at night, call me, and I will come and sit with you until you fall asleep again."

• After waking up at night, ensure that your child doesn't stay awake for an extended period. If they need to use the bathroom or have a drink, allow them to do so, but discourage aimless wandering around the apartment, watching cartoons, or engaging in lengthy conversations. Encourage them to try to fall back asleep as soon as possible.

• Avoid establishing a bedtime ritual that involves your presence. Instead, read a bedtime story, have a heartfelt conversation, kiss them, and tuck them in. Then, leave the room. Agree to check on them after 10 minutes to see if they are sleeping.

• If your kids wake up crying and come to your bedroom in the middle of the night, gently but firmly explain that everyone should sleep in their bed, and guide them back to their room. Sit next to their bed for a few minutes to help them drift back into a peaceful sleep.

• If nightly awakenings accompanied by fear and panic occur daily, or even multiple times during the night, it may be necessary to seek the help of a psychotherapist to assess the child's psychological state.

Also: Indigo Children: Who Are They And What To Do With Them

The biggest mistake is to dismiss the importance of a child waking up crying at night and experiencing fear. Some may believe that the child is seeking attention through this behavior. However, it is important to remember that children between 2 and 5 years old are not yet skilled at pretending or manipulating adults in such a manner. Therefore, when you hear kids waking up crying from the nursery at night, it means that your presence is genuinely needed. By helping your child overcome this distressing problem, you not only benefit their well-being but also enhance your ability to enjoy restful sleep.