How to be a good mother: 4 tips

"How to be a good mommy" This question crosses the mind of every mother. Almost no mother is immune to doubting her own parenting approaches and skills. Anxious mothers often find themselves digging deep within, seeking validation from others. More self-assured women, on the other hand, occasionally question themselves, wondering if they're making the right choices for their children. However, harboring doubts isn't necessarily a negative thing — it signifies that you genuinely care about the type of mother you are and how your child perceives you.

This article addresses objective criteria for recognizing what constitutes a less effective mother and outlines the steps she can take to become a better one.

Identifying the traits of a less effective mother

Before diving into the specifics of how to be a good mother, it's essential to grasp what characteristics define a less effective mother. Parents serve as their child's first educators, and the child comprehends the world through interactions with adults. Thus, the core objective of motherhood is to prepare a child for life.

A key trait of a good mother is understanding the lasting impact of her parenting. Everything a mother imparts to her child will inevitably influence their future. The principle of "you reap what you sow" holds true in this context.

Also: 9 Ways How Not To Be A Toxic Parent

Conversely, a less effective mother fails to recognize the consequences of her actions:

1. She neglects her child's needs, resulting in lowered self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and clumsiness. A less effective mother views her child as an inconvenience to tolerate.

2. She allows physical or emotional abuse. The educational value of physical discipline is questionable, while the harm is evident and well-documented by psychologists. Emotional abuse is equally detrimental, with insults and shouting being frequent occurrences in the child's life.

3. She sets a poor example and is unable to address her child's shortcomings. Instead, she ignores these problems.

4. She plays favorites among her children. If there's more than one child in the family, a less effective mother will inevitably demonstrate warmer feelings towards one child. This unequal treatment generates feelings of inadequacy and resentment in the other child.

5. She's authoritarian and domineering, imposing her own opinions and choices on her child. She disregards her child's preferences and ideas, dictating every aspect of their life.

6. She struggles to manage finances, demonstrating either excessive stinginess or extravagance. Children of stingy parents lack access to quality items, toys, and gadgets, fostering envy and a sense of unworthiness. Children of extravagant parents, meanwhile, remain oblivious to the effort required to obtain their desires, leading to reduced motivation and an unfounded sense of superiority.

7. She lacks trust in her child. So skeptical is she of her child that she'd believe anyone else in the world before her own offspring. This situation deeply disappoints the child, who inherently trusts their parents. Why wouldn't a parent trust their child?

Now, let's delve into how to be a better mother.

Recognizing the traits of a better mother. how to be a better mother

The term "good enough mother" was coined by British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. He spent years observing babies and their mothers, concluding that parental errors yield the most significant educational effects.

According to Donald, each time we encourage children to do things they're reluctant to do, we're actually doing them a great favor. The real world isn't as simple as children's books or movies portray it to be.

Good doesn't always conquer evil; life isn't composed of black and white absolutes, unequivocal truths, and ultimate justice. To navigate this challenging and unforgiving world, one must either counter prevailing circumstances, adapt, or find benefit in every situation.

These skills are cultivated in everyday scenarios — when a child refuses to eat vegetables, resists attending a music class, or balks at wearing a comfortable yet unattractive sweater. The child decides how to respond: adapt, rebel, or discover an unforeseen solution.

Of course, this doesn't condone severe parental mistakes involving tyranny, bullying, oppression, or neglect. But the opposite extreme isn't ideal either — overprotectiveness and stifling parental affection that hampers a child's ability to develop resilience.

Interestingly, becoming a good enough mother is a natural process. Traits that signify a good mother emerge in a baby's early years. A mother initially provides constant care, promptly responding to her baby's every need. Over time, this level of care gradually lessens as the child gains independence. Ideally, the mother's involvement becomes limited to what's essential for the child's healthy growth. The child is cared for, well-groomed, and showered with affection, all while growing up with a sense of autonomy.

Also: Parental Burnout Symptoms and How to Recover

What not to do to be a good mother

Before we delve into tips on becoming a proficient mother, let's discuss unproductive habits that drain time and energy. While these habits might cater to personal needs, your children hardly care about them.

• Obsessive cleanliness at home. True, good moms often have sticky floors, messy kitchens, heaps of laundry, and happy kids. This is unequivocally accurate.

• Excessive, unnecessary rituals. Does a child truly need an elaborate bedtime routine involving "diamond dances," a half-hour bath, a massage, warm milk, a bedtime story, and a heart-to-heart talk? Probably not. Victory lies in teaching a child to give Mom a kiss on the cheek and fall asleep independently in their own room.

• Unwavering composure. Let go of the facade of coolness when storms rage within. It's perfectly alright to display emotions to your child, to convey that you're upset, annoyed, or even furious about a situation. Follow up by exemplifying appropriate stress management and problem-solving behavior.

• Solely providing healthy food. Mothers who cringe at the sight of candy handed to their children may seem humorous. Yet, children will inevitably grow up and sample various unhealthy treats. Instead, consider explaining the concept of good and bad food choices, while also reasonably limiting unhealthy options in their diet.

4 tips on how to be a good mother

If the question "Would I be a good mother?" nags at you, keep reading. Our tips will help you revolutionize your parenting approach, enabling you to avoid common mistakes and quell any doubts you might harbor about your parenting skills. Here are four strategies to become an even better mother:

1. Seek guidance from experts when you're unsure about the right approach. Read parenting literature, engage with more experienced mothers, and consult child psychologists. Often, bridging knowledge gaps can help preempt problems in raising children.

2. Explore alternative methods of discipline that entirely omit child abuse, whether physical or emotional. Options abound—ranging from setting restrictions to fostering educational conversations. Each method has its nuances, but they all possess a beneficial educational impact without inflicting psychological harm.

3. Uphold discipline, establish rules, and adhere to a daily routine. Lead by example in following these rules yourself. Explain the significance of these guidelines, outlining their necessity and the benefits they bring to your child. This will aid in organizing your daily life, allowing you to juggle responsibilities while still dedicating ample time to interact with your child.

4. Infuse your interactions with tenderness and affection. Express your love for your child verbally, hug them, and plant kisses on their cheeks. Remind them that you're always available to offer help, and support, and be their most devoted friend. Strive for consistently positive communication, and even if minor conflicts arise, make a point to conclude them on a positive note. Aim for compromise, setting a prime example that family members can always find common ground.

Implementing these four tips on how to be a good mother will usher in positive changes. Not only will your child's perception of you improve, but so will your own self-esteem. As a result, your doubts about being a good mother will diminish, replaced by confidence in your abilities.