Parental Burnout Symptoms and How to Recover

Are you constantly tired and no longer enjoy what you do, whether it's on weekends or weekdays? It's highly likely that you're experiencing parental burnout, which is an affliction that affects those who are regularly engaged in communication with others, emotional empathy, and significant responsibilities.

In some ways, being a parent is like having a job, except your child is your boss. You can't take a long vacation or switch jobs, so the only way out is to try and prevent a nervous breakdown. This article will help you recognize this insidious syndrome and provide guidance on how to deal with parental burnout effectively.

 

What is Parental Burnout?

Parental burnout is a state of nervous system exhaustion. It arises as a response to accumulated psychological stress with no outlet. As the condition progresses, a person's mental well-being deteriorates. Interest in life is replaced by indifference towards oneself and one's activities, often leading to clear aggression towards those around them.

Burnout Syndrome (BS) was first identified by Herbert Freudenberger, an American psychiatrist, in 1974. Initially, it was diagnosed in professionals whose work involved helping others, such as teachers, doctors, nurses, rescuers, and social workers.

Over time, it became apparent that parental burnout can affect not only professional caregivers but also parents who are in a long-term relationship with a child requiring constant attention and care.

Parents often struggle to comprehend what is happening to them and attribute their condition to simple fatigue. However, parental burnout has multiple causes, which we will explore in more detail.

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Causes of Parental Burnout

Why does parental burnout occur? Mothers tend to experience parental burnout more frequently, as they are often with their children around the clock. However, burnout can also affect other family members who equally contribute to a child's upbringing.

Parental burnout is commonly diagnosed in the following groups:

- Parents with two or more children under the age of five.

- Parents of children who are frequently ill or have a serious or incurable disease.

- Single parents in single-parent families.

- Individuals who experienced psychological difficulties during their own childhood.

- Perfectionists who strive to be ideal parents.

- Parents who juggle multiple responsibilities, such as returning to work early after maternity leave, managing household chores, and raising a child simultaneously.

However, even in intact families with one healthy child, parents are not immune to experiencing parental burnout. There are specific risk factors that contribute to its development.

1. Difficult Family Situations

For instance, if parenthood was unplanned and the family was not mentally prepared for the arrival of a child, this can lead to parental burnout. Lack of understanding between spouses, lack of support from loved ones, financial constraints, and unresolved housing issues can also contribute to the development of parental burnout. Additionally, lack of sleep and stress play a significant role.

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2. Insufficient External Support

During pregnancy, a woman is often surrounded by love and care. However, once the child is born, she automatically assumes the role of "You're a mother!" and may feel she has no moral right to complain. It is believed that thanks to maternal instinct, a woman should handle all the challenges of caring for a baby on her own. However, it often happens that a new mother doesn't even have time to eat a warm meal or take a shower during the day.

3. Influence of External Factors

Parents react differently to the same actions of their child, depending on the presence of strangers. They tend to be calmer about a child's tantrums when alone with them at home. However, if a child misbehaves in public, parents may become more anxious and stressed.

What are the symptoms of parental burnout?

What are the symptoms of parental burnout? One of the primary indicators of impending emotional exhaustion could be disrupted sleep patterns. In the morning, individuals wake up feeling unrested, experience daytime sluggishness and sleepiness, and struggle to fall asleep at night. This lack of adequate rest perpetuates a cycle of feeling tired and fatigued.

If this symptom is ignored in the early stages, the condition will progress, resulting in changes in a person's behavior.

Parental burnout typically occurs in three stages:

Stage One:

The "holding out" stage, also known as the stenical stage, leads to fatigue, irritability, and anxiety. Individuals may have thoughts such as "I'm a bad parent, I am incapable of anything." Consequently, self-esteem declines, focusing on failures, and overlooking the positive aspects of parenting.

A negative cycle forms: children sense the emotional instability of their parents and exhibit more challenging behavior, which further triggers the parent. The parent strives to pull themselves together and manage the situation, but they do so mechanically and without enthusiasm. They lose interest in hobbies and regular activities and experience a diminished desire to spend time with family and friends. Apathy and indifference towards their own child may arise. This is the first sign of parental burnout. 

Also: Why are Kids So Annoying

Stage Two:

The "non-resistance" stage, also known as the asthenic stage, gradually intensifies. Individuals struggle to manage their emotions, often crying without apparent reason, losing interest in sexual intimacy, and adopting an "energy-saving" mindset. Mundane household chores may lead to hysterical reactions. This stage is characterized by more pronounced parental burnout symptoms:

- Disrupted appetite (either loss of appetite or excessive eating, consuming twice the normal amount)

- Sleep disturbances (persistent sleepiness combined with difficulty falling asleep due to intrusive thoughts and overwhelming guilt)

- General poor health and weakness

- Frequent illnesses resulting from chronic fatigue, depression, and sleep deprivation

At this stage of parental burnout, individuals realize they can no longer bear the emotional burden. They may contemplate giving up everything to escape from this overwhelming state.

Stage Three:

Personality distortion. During this stage, the individual's psyche adopts a defensive response in the form of aggression, which is directed towards their child and close loved ones. Instead of providing love and support, parents begin to exert excessive control, mentally or physically belittling the child. Seeking assistance from a qualified psychologist is imperative during this stage of personality distortion.

How to recover from parental burnout: 12 tips

Looking to address parental burnout? Here are several strategies we'll discuss:

1. Break free from the endless Groundhog Day

Recognize that life doesn't revolve solely around household chores. Dedicate at least one hour each day to read a book, watch an interesting movie, or indulge in a relaxing bath. How to deal with parental burnout? Rest assured, your loved ones can manage without you during this time. If daily breaks are not feasible, plan for 2–3 hours on weekends and spend them outside. Catch a movie, hit the gym, or simply go shopping. After a week of hard work, you deserve some rest.

How to recover from parental burnout? Engage in something that piques your interest, or discover a new hobby that replenishes your inner resources. It could be anything from knitting to swimming. The key is finding activities that bring you joy.

Consider a change of scenery through travel. Depending on your desire and possibilities, a few days by the sea, in the mountains, or in the forest can offer a respite from your usual routine. A family vacation can foster unity and provide a fresh mental outlook.

Also: 10 Ways to Teach Kids about Boundaries

2. Learn to seek support

How to deal with parental burnout? Acknowledge that you need assistance and allow yourself to ask for it. Remember, the father is an equal participant in the parenting process. Understand that your daily tasks of caring for your child and creating a cozy home environment are equally important.

Ask your spouse or your child's grandparents for help. Their support can make a significant difference, whether it's buying groceries, delivering medicine, accompanying you to appointments, or taking a stroll with the stroller while you prepare dinner. Many people around you will be happy to lend a hand. Seeking support is a valuable self-help strategy for parental burnout.

3. Embrace imperfection

Often, new mothers fixate on an idealized image created by marketing experts, an unattainable standard no matter how hard they try. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, dissatisfaction, and disappointment in the long-awaited experience of parenthood, relationships with a partner, and life in general, contributing to parental burnout.

There is no secret to perfection. Everyone makes mistakes, and there are no flawless individuals. Let go of perfectionism and strive to accept your imperfections. Avoid blaming, scolding, or comparing yourself to others. Cultivate tolerance and self-love.

4. Prioritize sleep and nutrition

Quality sleep is essential for well-being and replenishing vital energy. Aim for at least seven hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. If that's not feasible, consider taking a nap with your child for an hour and a half during the day.

Maintain a balanced diet. Make it a habit to eat three meals a day, as constant stress can cause you to overlook this. Stay hydrated by drinking at least 1.5 liters of water throughout the day. Ensure you spend at least thirty minutes outdoors daily, breathing in fresh air. These habits serve as preventive measures against parental burnout.

5. Avoid multitasking

To prevent parental burnout, steer clear of multitasking. If you're combining work from home with maternity leave, establish clear boundaries between these spheres of life. When spending time with your child, silence notifications on your phone and refrain from constant social media checks. When focusing on work, request assistance from a loved one to look after your child. Organize your life to minimize the accumulation of simultaneous tasks.

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6. Create a daily plan

How to recover from parental burnout? Structure your day for optimal effectiveness. Having an action plan allows you to better understand your needs and desires while realizing what is essential at any given moment. It serves as a powerful antidote to laziness. By planning and accomplishing tasks, your self-esteem and self-confidence increase. You'll have long-term prospects and goals, not just short-term responsibilities. Remember to check off completed tasks from your list—it's a satisfying feeling.

7. Set your priorities straight

How to deal with parental burnout? Put yourself first, as you are emotionally responsible for the well-being of your entire family. If you have to choose between household chores and getting an extra hour of sleep, prioritize sleep. Your family will be happier to see a refreshed and cheerful mother, even if it means having a simpler dinner like pasta, rather than an exhausted and frustrated mother serving an elaborate meal.

Delegate minor tasks and non-urgent engagements. You don't need to clean or dust twice a day. Spend around 30 minutes on cooking and cleaning during weekdays, reserving a longer block of time, like 2 hours, for these tasks on one of the weekend days.

8. Engage in physical activity

Physical exercise boosts serotonin levels, the hormone associated with happiness. It infuses your body with energy, igniting a desire to live and create. You don't need to spend 1.5-2 hours at the gym each day. Even just 10 minutes of daily exercise can help you feel more organized, active, and improve your overall physical well-being. It's a valuable preventive measure against parental burnout.

9. Find a supportive confidant

Identify a close and trusted person who can offer an outside perspective and understand your emotional state at any given moment. Sometimes, having someone to listen and provide guidance is enough to make you feel better.

10. Release expectations of gratitude

Exerting mental energy expecting gratitude from your children for the time, effort, emotions, and money you invest in them can be draining. If you don't receive the validation you anticipated, it may leave you feeling like you've lived in vain. Focus on doing what you believe is important and necessary for your children, but let go of the insistence on gratitude. This mindset shift will help you avoid parental burnout.

11. Let go of guilt for self-indulgence

Utilize any spare moment to recharge with life energy and share it with your family. If you have free time, indulge in leisure activities or pursue your hobbies. How to recover from parental burnout? Remember that your energy levels are like a vessel—if it's filled, you can share your optimism, confidence, and life energy with others. Investing in yourself benefits not only your health and happiness but also the well-being of your entire family.

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12. Seek professional support

Just like any other health condition, parental burnout is easier to prevent than to treat. However, if preventive measures don't provide sufficient relief, consider consulting a neurologist. They can determine if medication is necessary. Supporting your nervous system with magnesium supplements or B-complex vitamins may also be beneficial. Additionally, seeking guidance from a psychologist can help you explore the underlying causes of your emotional distress.

Fatigue from parenthood is a normal process, but it's important not to overlook when the fatigue escalates into parental burnout. By implementing these strategies and seeking the necessary support, you can recover and regain balance in your life as a parent.